Saturday, April 22, 2017

Another OLD guy

Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

The following story was written by a user on Reddit. It was written in response to a post.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Wondering if this will go on till I died

I have just been 'wondering; if I will have to live like this for the rest of my life or can I change it. What I'm talking about is my 'mini stroke which I had three years ago. I have prayed every day and several times on Sunday, I have said several Hail Mary's and researched 'mini stroke or TIA' but all I  find is how to prevent one and what it means. That's not good enough for me. Can I rehabilitate it, can I make my life much better?

I seems no one knows but I am at least trying to make my life better. My brain still works so I am still creating activities for social studies classes but I just can't 'field test' them. I still type on the computer even though it is one handed which is not too bad. I can still go out to eat even though it does not take much to fill me up. I can still read - I read the paper online every day, I read magazines each month, I email and read them as often as I get them, and I read blogs almost every day.

I listen to Pandora while I work on my laptop, I can still daydream, take naps more than I used to, I still cut the grass in town and out in the country, I still go to my doctor  every three months for my checkups. I am still checking my BP,BS, & weight every day and filling out an Excel sheet daily.

I still take the dog out every couple of hours, still sit on the swing, still drive myself to Walmart, Walgreen's, Dominos', and a few other nearby places. We still visit Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond from time to time. We still go out to eat almost daily. But I tend to use a crutch more than I used to or want to.

I do got to church weekly, say my prayers, visit to other parishioners, and do most of what I need to. I think all done well the last three years but I just don't know anymore.

Went to the doctor today for my 3-month visit and she bragged on all the things that are going well. She only wishes I could exercise more but knows I am doing the most I can. Everything looked great and she was super happy with what I done. My wife complained that she was gaining weight while I was losing mine but I still think she looks fantastic. I joked with her telling her I would gladly give my weekly shot if it would make her feel better by she said "NO".

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Just looking for my family history

It seems like I have been searching forever for my GGG-Grandfather. There are things I know but there is so much more I don't know. So, therefore have to just keep looking. I know my GGG-Grandmother was born in Desoto country, Mississippi and "may have" gotten married there to an 'English', but I can't be sure. Again it means I just have to search long and hard in and around Desoto county to see if I can find a Robert English. So far no luck even with a POSSIBLE marriage date of the mid/late 1850/60.

I think they should have gotten married in Mississippi but it was during the Civil War so records are scarce  or mostly non-excise. I don't have anything but the fact they had a child in 1865 but by then the dad was out of the picture and mom was remarried by the 1870 census.

All I have is a map of the counties around
DeSoto, Mississippi.

From there I just need to keep looking for any sign of him in earlier census records.

I have found out that Mary Lue moved after her birth to Lafayette, Mississippi so that is another lead but it does not do much, just leads in in another direction. Still I am no closer to Robert than I was.

After days on end of searching I began to drift over to my other love, my TPT site and I worked on a couple of new products for sale. But all the while I was still thinking of my past grandfather. Think of things that might have happened to him. Things like I know he was not killed during the Civil War due to the fact that his son was born that final year of the war. But something happen to him due to the fact that my past grandmother remarried short after in 1668 from the stories I have read.

Odds are he died in Texas on or near the birth of his child but I can't find any records. So that leaves me just looking, reading, searching, and digging. what was going on in north Texas during that time? I don't know but I'm still looking while I'm working on other things - when something news hits me.




Monday, February 13, 2017

What you already know

This may seem anti-climatic but the new federal judge is.....

Well we don't really know yet but the word is out. President Trump picked a good one we think but we just have to wait on the senate, the democrats, the media, etc.

It is funny that I finally fill out my tax return THEN various places start sending me my tax notices. Where were y'all in January BEFORE I needed you?

Now I can go back and edit my tax return and REFILL them again. Bummer!

I really just wanted a salad today but my wife had other ideas plus she got up late and was eating breakfast at lunch. So much for my salad ideas. Then she wanted me to go with her to Walmart - I just said NO. I ended up having a Birdseye rice steamer for lunch.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Tax Returns

It has been over 25 years since I began filing my Tax returns with H & R Block but this year I just figured out that my wife and I have really nothing to file except our retirement checks. When I figured out that we had on other income except those, no extra, no side jobs, no side income, nothing; I just figured I would do it all online with H&R Block website. It was easy. Had it all done in under an hour and it only cost me $14. Which is way less than the couple of hundreds it cost me each year for the last 25+.

I'm gonna miss Dot, the lady who has done ours for most of that time. That's what I was really paying for I guess. I did it all online, I mailed it online, paid my state taxes online, will have it deposited paid for it online, will not time about it till next year I hope. I am having TWICE as much taken out of my check as my wife is even though her check is over twice as much as  mine. It is because she "doesn't want more taken out of hers" because she will notice it.

I'm the one who 'retired' early so I don't get as much; I'm the one on disability due to my mini stroke but don't really get anything; I'm the one on Medicare but they don't pay much and take out most of it, I'm the one not really working much but she still is even though they don't really pay anything.

I have leaned just to make it on what little I now get. It's enough for a few groceries here and there. I tend to sit on the porch anyway.  Most days but I don't really get bored - not much - I just daydream of what should be, what used to be, what was, dream of
 what could be.

I spend time reading blogs, emails, posts. I sleep more than I used too. I don't dive my car much even though I can, A tank of gas last me a month or more now. I tend to pay for lunch early during each month and my wife pays at the later parts of the month.